Falafel: Nature's Chick-Pea Patty!

oof. falafel for lunch ≠ good idea.

last night was was the Autumnal Convening of Hardcovers: Book Club Extraordinaire. but rather than discuss the wine, the book and the bizarrely heated argument we had on dodging the draft, i'd like to discuss the Korean Bodega by the subway stop in Brooklyn Heights.

When i got out of the subway last night on Clark street in that other borough that's NOT manhattan, and after i looked around and thought "too cute!", i noticed the friendly korean bodega. and then i noticed the friendly sign in the korean bodega's door:

"We Sell Home Made Kimchi! KIMCHI: NATURE'S YOGURT!"

ok. friendly or not, there are just so many things wrong with that statement. let's start with the obvious.

1. Kimchi is so not nature's yogurt. Kimchi is spicy pickled cabbage. Yogurt is fermented milk product. there's no cross over on THAT venn diagram.

2. now. let's suspend our disbelief and pretend that on some level, kimchi and bacteria had something, anything, in common. ok. EVEN SO, kimchi STILL wouldn't be nature's yogurt. you can only say [something] is nature's [something] if the second thing is in fact NOT natural. like, for instance, RAISINS: NATURE'S CANDY. that works, see, because raisins are all natural, and candy is not! whee! it's easy! you can do it too! WATER: NATURE'S GATORADE! YERBA MATE: NATURE'S CRACK-COCAINE! see!? try it! the problem here is that yogurt is natural. so really, nature's yogurt IS yogurt. you could even argue that kimchi isn't nature's anything, i've never seen a pickled spicy cabbage growing in anyone's yard, have you bunny rabbit?

3. is yogurt even all that appealing? ever since beaner got a moldy yogurt (go nature!) in telluride, the thought really turns my stomach. you've got nature's candy, emphasis on candy? i'm in! nature's yogurt... pass. gimme the chemical stuff.

anyway. that's enough asian bashing for today. soon i'm going to have to go to a racial sensitivity class. BIGOTRY: NATURE'S MENTAL LAZINESS.

-LG

the ol' labor dabor...

labor day weekend lesson #1 -- you're never too old for flip cup.

-ALW

darwinism

I heard about a story on the radio yesterday where a guy got himself into a drunken bar bet where he put some sort of ring on his penis... After a few days, repeat: DAYS, of pain he goes to the hospital. Where they tell him that his penis is now gangrenous and has to be removed or he may die (if the gangrene spreads).

Now if that isn't one of the best examples of natural selection ever, I don't know what is.

-CAR

baby, baby, baby it's a wild world

here's the gist of cnn's top 9 stories rite now:
beheadings, bombings, war
twinkies, cat stevens, dementia
prison, lotto winner, the Red Baron

the una-bomber is sitting in his jail cell right now, writing one fantastic mad lib with that shit.

-ETG

the name game

it's come to my attention that an exponential proliferation of my first name has begun (unbelievably enough) in american society. i think this is bullshit. get your own name, bastards. while i do recognize people's right to name their kid whatever they want, i simply prefer to be the only "ahren" around, and i'm willing to resort to violence to make it happen (hell, they assassinated gandhi, the gloves are off!). i'd like to create a sphere of 2 degrees of separation around me in this regard. thus, i don't want any of my friends to be named "ahren," NOR do i want any my friends' friends using my name. so, if anyone knows another "ahren," please let me know, so i can offer that person the choice of changing their name or death. thank you, come again.

-ALW